happy birthday josiah! here is a big hug from your mom!
so let me tell you while the talk went well, i raised no money for my communities in sipascancha and ollantaytambo. i am bummed! but it is my own fault. while it well received and even some md's i had worked with before, and former patients were there, when i was asked about giving money, i was honest! and when i say this i had to tell them that i am not a nonprofit or anything, there can be no real receipts for tax purposes and that i send the money by western union....well with this disclosed, no one gave anything! shit.
so it reminds me this is my deal. for me i don't give a shit about tax deductions. all i can see in my minds eye are people who don't want me to forget them. and i won't.

i am so excited! tomorrow i get to do a little presentation about my experiences in peru. i hope raise some money to send there. i have been sending money myself, not much but alot for them. i am a madrina of 5 children there in the village and of course to piero, ramoncito's nephew. its funny when i got off the plane i thought it would be sooo easy to raise money and that everyone i spoke to would of course be interested in my stories about these wonderful people i was so fortunate to have met and worked with. i mean how many people really have the opportunity to be let into a life such as they experience? well, let me tell you after about a minute, the fascination wears off and sadly it is then i realize how it all changed me and how separate i feel from all my friends here. so about the talk, i have made a presentation with my photos on power point. it is mainly about the aspect of medical volunteer work and not really about the personal stuff i also experienced. anyway i am hoping to see folks i worked with and others who have kept up with my blog. i want to thank kathy for helping me set it up. she works with peace health in their el salvador project. and it is when i talk to her that i feel a connection, as she personally knows how an experience like this can completely shift ones life. so soon i will write and tell you about it.

my very cool sons, josiah and mica

mount pisgah, one of lilac's favorite places.

well, i'm trying a few things out. job wise. some old friends, god, colleagues, would you call them helped me get this job, i have given it my best shot, and mainly for them, but i don't think this particular job i am doing is for me. we will not mention what company i am working for. or exactly WHAT is it i am doing. lets just say carrying a cell and a pager, trying to schmooze, dealing with the very money making side of american medicine opposes my current sentiments. on a plane to southern california, dressed to sell, briefcase, pager, cell, an appointment book, lets say vs being in my scrappiest clothes, ie., only clothes, freezing my ass in a poorly stocked clinic, knowing of a community meeting only by someone blowing the horn from high off the cliff, and washing little childrens' feet, feeling the warmth and generosity of the poorest of the poor. what a fucking switch. whew. who wouldn't be mixed up???
i am no longer a fake blond. jesus i had no idea what color frechi had made my hair in peru. i didn't have a big mirror folks and my hair has been dyed for so long, i am unclear what my original color was. but it is now no longer orange. haha
i am now living in a tiny apartment in springfield around the corner from my friends leslie and scott. its cheap and bigger than any place i lived in peru. and i have very hot water and a refrig., hell, living high on the hog. its hard to buy whatever, as since being there, i now really think about what i really need vs what i may just want. but with this high phalooting job, i do possess more fancy clothes, i am proud to say none purchased new. the corner of my place is filled with all the electronics required and supplied by the job. i am driving a free car, that i have hung my rosary in from walter, (por viajes seguros y con el dios...) each time i head to portland for work reasons i say a little prayer and touch the rosary. pleeze do not breakdown!!!! (a digression: thanx banghi for the car!! its perfect for me really, short of this little issue of work. a darling old volvo that banghi gave to me, hardly knowing me, because he is leaving town and does not want to mess with it. he felt sorry for me coming back having to completely start over. and what with the bankruptcy hearing i had told him about...i guess things looked a little desperate to him. so thank you banghi. you are a doll)
so about the apartment and my new life here. its hard!!! i see a few folks but not many. i fly here and there on the west coast. wishing, really wishing to buy a ticket the hell outta here. but on the good side, i have leslie and scott and marti and jack and james...and ramoncito lejitos en espana, encouraging me. thank you leslie and scott for seeing to it that i eat. and to marti and jack also for their great dinners and company and concerns about the people i left behind in peru. and ramoncito, thanks for still loving me. truthfully my appetite is not good and i am depressed alot. i think i have lost more in weight. i am not sure if this a normal reaction to resettling in the states after where i have been or what. saw alex and sabrina, friends from ecuador, they say this painful process may last 6 months....yikes. so what is it thats hard about it?? shall i begin with the incredible consumerism and consumption. the icon for this are the numbers of very very fat people here...sorry my plump friends but it is amazing all the food we can buy here...all the variety of restaurants, the full plates that would feed 5 or 6 in peru. i sawa restroom sign for women that looked different to me...why??? its now a fat stick figure woman....) but the consumerism does not stop with what we eat. the houses, the stuff for the houses, the clothes, the fucking toys, dogs are eating better here also. some see doctors, physical therapists, acupuncurists, and have insurance for gods sake. cars are everywhere. and our towns were never conceived off prior to accomodate people on foot or bike. no one walks anywhere. maybe for exercise and just barely fit into days full of work and no play. i know i am seeing only what supports my argument and for this i do apologize. it is hard to figure out a way to reconcile it all in my head....go figure.