Steve and Shelley's tree

well it may be better than i think!! (see below reference to HORROR story!) i went to the doctor and inquired about my various disk conditions. i understand a bit more of what's happening. and when i said i would rather see a surgeon of my choosing he said that the only reason he was insistent about the other was that he wants me to be seen quickly because of this nerve involvement. and then when i called "wc" they were totally fine with it. so it seems like it's going OK at least from this point...

so i'm hearing a few horror stories and drumming up a few all on my own about hurting one's whatever body part on the job. my friend came over yesterday and told me the story of her workmen's comp (from here on out, wc) three year experience. arrgh.

i'm not sure if it's better or not. when i'm up, my right foot feels numb and the leg feels a bit weakish and very appreciative there is a left leg that works right. the only pain i have is down that leg and i'm still walking with a little limp, and later in the day it hurts around my, what is it, my saddle??!! humm. those little hips of mine get tired i guess?? anyway i go to the doctor today and then to a surgeon, i guess. and its the guy with the knife who decides if my L-5-S-1 disk will be under it as it sounds not too happy from what i can interpret in the MRI report. words like "profound effacement" give that away. and those spaces, L3-4 and L4-5 don't sound very happy either. it's hard to know what the best thing to do is. i'm not exactly sure just whom is acting in my best interest. one reason is "wc" seems to determine who i will see. i found this out when i asked if i could see a particular doctor and was told in many words in circles basically meaning "no". my therapist tells me this is against the law. and it sounds fishy to me. my friend tells me she had to go to court at one point. if i were make a nuisance of myself, could i be faced with a court battle against "wc"? my friend indicated i should have proof i was "intact" before this injury. i think i've been, but it's not like i have "proof"! and she said it was also common to wait 6 months to wait for the naughty disk extrusion to retract back in it's little space. i just wonder if and when i can work if i wait and if i'll do the same thing again. (it's been twice and counting already) so i asked my doctor if i have to be off what makes more sense: to have the surgery and recover completely or to wait and do therapy (that apparently isn't working) and see if it retracts and work on restrictions?

oh, i wish i had had the foresight to hurt myself on my own time...

all i know is that i need this to be back to something that functions normally, so i can get back to work, disconnect myself from "wc", and be ready to go to Peru in October.

i was sitting at the physical therapist's office a few days ago and they had a magazine. i never buy them but will admit to reading the trashy stuff if i stumble on it, but here, it was the Oprah Magazine. definitely not trashy, however the advertising did seem directed toward people with lots of money to spend on stylish stuff for the house, body, soul and heart. (for oprah fans i want to acknowledge that i know she does do an incredible amount of good work with her money also.) so, i skipped the ads and caught an article about what to make of difficult personal times. it was a little short thing but reading it made me feel for a split second one of those "AAHAA" moments that this didn't have to be as hard as i'm making it. [back-up... i have hurt my back again at work and it seems worse in spite of dutifully following the instructions of my doctor and therapist. and because workmens comp is involved i an entering a land where i truly wanted to believe it would be fair, however i seem a little off on that assessment. and with it seeming to be worse (ie., my back), i am getting a bit scared.] on top of that, i have mixed feelings about the fortunate position i sit in in the first place even having any insurance coverage and technology at my fingertips. i want to use what i have available to me responsibly and not just agree to it as a knee-jerk reaction just because its the way we do medicine here and/or i have insurance. especially when i know personally folks who have nothing. steve did remind me in his ever so tactful and sweet way that guilt should not prevent me from getting done what i need. and that i can best help folks if i am taking care of myself first....

so, what with all of these mixed feelings, not to mention i know something's just not right, my goal is to handle it a bit more gracefully than i am. so to stumble on this article was sort of synchronicity in action. the article reminded me of what i knew already, but not practicing. it seems i just sort of ...forgot!